Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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