put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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