Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize