WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
