bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
