That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
