Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
