He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
