I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
