Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
we should paint friendship bongs
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
