I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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