So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
