I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
