So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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