"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
