i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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