I am spending my child support on dildos
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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