I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
