quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
