the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
