chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
farters have to be the big spoon...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
