Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
