textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
bring money and cleavage
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
