Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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