she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
