I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
