Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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