You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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