Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
