I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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