I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
