No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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