update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
