did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
