So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
