Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
