Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
