did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
