two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The uberlube is also flammable
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
