I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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