i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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