I murdered the dance floor call the cops
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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