Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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