Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
