my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
