There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
