i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
sarcasm needs its own font
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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