The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
