guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
