The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
