Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
