ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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