I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
