i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
